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The current period represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {